"New Guy" here with my Rogue One review. Warning: SPOILERS!

In 1977, a single film changed not only the entertainment industry, but the lives of an entire generation. It was a watershed moment that became part of our very culture. I am part of that generation, and that film holds a special place in my life, just as it does for millions of others (including you!). It’s because of our love for this world-changing slice of entertainment, that we feel protective of it. We’re quite critical of anything and everything that carries the name “Star Wars”. From films to figures, it’s that emotional connection that drives us to examine all Star Wars offerings under a collective microscope. We like to think we know what’s good (The Empire Strikes Back) and what’s bad (The Phantom Menace). Rogue One, is not so easy for me to categorize.

I went to see Rogue One with my good friend Russ. He’s not really a “fan” of Star Wars. Sure, he knows who Darth Vader and Princess Leia are, and he’s seen the films, but that’s about the extent of it. It was a great opportunity to get his reaction to the film. I was curious to see if this film played as well to someone who was not as well versed in the world of Star Wars.

For sure it was a Star Wars film. It was a good looking Star Wars film: All the props and costumes had that “used” look. There were droids scattered about. Spaceships. Stormtroopers. All the set pieces were there. Yes, it certainly is a Star Wars film. You can take almost any narrative and squeeze it into the Star Wars Universe. Give it a Star Wars makeover. The question remains: is Rogue One a GOOD MOVIE?

A good movie should have things like, character growth, story arcs and narrative structure. Ironically, the first part of narrative structure is “exposition”, which I think writers took too literally in Rogue One. There was far too much of it. Too much explaining going on. It slowed down the film while characters with various accents are explaining things in Star-Wars-Techno-Speak to the audience (that may-or-may-not be acquainted with this technobabble). I imagine some of the exposition could have been done in an opening crawl, which would have left 50% of the film empty I suppose. When it comes to film, I’m a “show-me” kind of guy. I don’t mean big explosions or giant set-pieces. I want a director to tell a story using the medium of film. Film is a visual medium. Show me things. When Star Wars burst into the world in 1977, there were no explanations given for what you were seeing. That film dropped you right into the middle of the action yet you could follow what was going on. Rogue One starts off with a flashback. Why do we have to know all of this backstory within our backstory? It’s quite a bit of information. After the movie my friend Russ had many questions, and that alone was a sign that Rogue One had narrative problems.

Now, I don’t live in an post-apocalyptic wasteland, but I understood what was going on in the film “Mad Max: Fury Road”. It has a few things in common with Rogue One: both are connected to a movie franchise, both have unusual characters in unusual situations and both are action films. There are other similarities, but I’ll stop there. Even if you’ve never seen a Mad Max film, you understand what’s going on in Fury Road. All the exposition is there. Right on the screen. I understand they’re different films, but every time you slow down for characters to spell everything out for you, it takes away from the pacing. Imagine if the first part of this movie featured Cassian on a dangerous mission where we see him doing some questionable things all in the name of the Rebellion. It would have been more exciting than the rain-soaked farm we opened with.

The direction of the film was okay. Nothing to write home about. I appreciated the use of practical effects. I didn’t know Kylo’s mask was digital for a scene in The Force Awakens, so who can tell what’s practical an more. I do know what wasn’t practical: the CGI zombie of Grand Moff Tarkin. It wasn’t “Polar Express” bad, just kind of creepy. Creepy and unnecessary. Just more fan service. The Leia doppleganger was a little better, because it was brief. I’m sure all of you felt the same way when the doors opened, and you saw that familiar white dress, and you were all thinking the same thing: “Will they show her?”, followed immediately by “How bad is the CGI going to look?”

So, what did I like? I loved K-2SO! Every line he said was great. What’s remarkable, is that he’s CGI, yet I don’t doubt his realism at all. There wasn’t a moment in the film where I didn’t accept K-2SO as real, which is a testament to excellent the voice-over and mo-cap work by Alan Tudyk and the effects team at ILM. His character brought some much needed gallows humor to this film. (ANY humor would have been appreciated.)

Chirrut & Baze as a duo were brilliant. The spiritual blind believer (blind faith?), and his friend with a rapid-fire blaster. I thought the dynamic between them was perfect. I liked how Chirrut had an unwavering faith in The Force despite not being a Jedi. Donnie Yen is an incredible actor and martial artist, and was the perfect choice for Chirrut. I’m not sure if it was the writing, the actors, or costuming but I feel that these two characters, despite having very little back-story, were the most memorable and interesting characters in the film. There was some great chemistry between these guys just from thier dialogue. Their costumes also told us something about them (was Chirrut wearing a Stormtrooper belt over his shoulder?). Disney better hurry and give us the “Chirrut & Baze Backstory Movie” we all deserve.

While only in the film for about 2 minutes, Vader has some things that worked well. First of all, I thought it was cool and creepy that Darth Vader has a castle on Mustafar. Cool because it’s a huge castle with a lava “waterfall”. Creepy because it’s on the planet where he got all chopped up & burned before becoming encased in the suit. Maybe he’s okay with all that now. I have to admit, I liked the shot of Vader in the bacta tank all scarred up and vulnerable surrounded by Royal Guards. While all that stuff was cool, I felt Vader would have been better utilized JUST at the end. The scene at the end of Vader plowing through troopers to get those plans was awesome and brutal. They didn’t go all “CGI-Yoda” with him. He wasn’t jumping around in an unnatural fashion. He moved with purpose while dispatching the troopers as if they were nothing. He doesn’t even slow down. That being said, I think the reveal of Vader would have been more powerful and effective if you never saw him in the film until that very moment. Imagine it: the dark clouded hallway… the red blade ignites … out steps Vader…he starts mowing down troopers… the audience goes wild. In the real film, we see him for the first time in his bathtub (more or less).

My biggest (and nit-pickiest) complaint was Disney trolling us with the prospect of cool alien characters and never delivering. Moroff was hardly in the film! Almost blink and you’ll miss him! The blobby “mind-squid” that scrambled Bohdi’s brain got more screen time than Moroff! Do not present me with a giant wampa-thing wearing a face mask and carrying a giant gun if you don’t intend on featuring him in the film. Bistan was in there for 2 seconds. Pao got a small bit of screen time mugging in the background. Somewhere on the cutting room floor, Constable Zuvio is crying.

Often, Rogue One felt like one of those “hidden item” games with all the easter eggs peppered throughout. Oh look, blue milk. I know what that is. Pondo Baba & Dr. Evanzan! (It’s funny because he says virtually the same thing to Luke in A New Hope! Right?) Red Leader, Bail Organa, R2 & C3PO, Chopper, Dodonna, etc. We should be thankful Jyn didn’t happen upon a CGI smuggler and his Wookie copilot on Jedah (but you know they considered it).

I wish Rogue One was a better paced movie with good characters that cared more about telling a good story than being the fan-service vehicle it was. There’s always Episode VIII to look forward to.