Walrus Man - Kenner - Vintage Star Wars (1978)
Star Wars Collectible News, Photos, and Reviews

"Your Star Wars Dioramas Suck"

Here is an opportunity to make them better, but you only have 4 days left to do it! Available from Hole in the Ground Productions are some amazing diorama pieces that are perfect for your Death Star or Rebel base. Even if this isn’t fully backed, don’t think that nothing will come from it. Eric (owner) has been very involved with the community in being open about this campaign and his products are well thought out and versatile. With buy-in options at only $8-50 and for 3.75″ and 6″ it’s an easy thing for anyone to jump in on! Click through for some more persuasion from a fellow backer, and the originator of these photos, Sam.

Reader ‘sam’ says:

Hey Tiger, have a seat. Look, your Mother and I have been meaning to tell you something, but we didn’t want to upset you in front of your friends. There’s no easy way to say this, but…your Star Wars dioramas suck.

They’re quite anemic, aren’t they? We hate to tell you, but all your friends have been laughing at you behind your back. And remember when lil’ Suzy spit in your face when you asked her to be your girlfriend? Yeah, it’s because she saw your pathetic Star Wars dioramas.

I mean, what were you thinking, Son? You don’t have any nice greeblies or boxes to complete your Death Star diorama. Who’s seriously going to look at that and believe that your figures are on the Death Star? C’mon now.

And how, exactly, do you intend to visually convey Han’s greed and his moral dilemma over whether to support the Rebel Alliance, when you don’t even have loot boxes for him to load onto the Falcon in your Yavin IV diorama? Do your Mother and I look stupid? Do we??

Oh, and I suppose that your X-wings and Snowspeeders can simply just fly their way into your respective Yavin IV and Echo Base hanger bay dioramas at all hours of the night with absolutely no need for navigational assistance from some bay lighting. Are you trying to bring shame on our family? Why do we pay for your schooling, you little brat??!

Look, your Mother and I didn’t want it to have to come to this, but if you insist on keeping your dioramas in such a pathetic, unadorned state, we’ve decided to disinherit you. You have 11 days to rectify your evil ways. Thank goodness your grandparents aren’t here to see this sad state of affairs.

 

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